She appears composed
by Iris216
Summary: Tonk's has always been a rebellious and angsty teen, never worrying about her future, but when she is fresh out of hogwarts, with no job, and no one around her she is taken by panic, she is alone and scared for the first time in her life. How or who will help her through this? Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

 _ **Author's note: Hi fangirls and fanboys of the world! This is my second fanfic ever so please keep the that in mind whilst reading! Please review it means the world to me! I hope you guys enjoy! I made a mistake with tonks house originally, but I wanted to say that even though she is not a gryfindor I made it so the students still have there career chats with mconagall, just wanted to update**_

 _ **All rights to JK Rowling, I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters**_

Tonks' POV

I fiddled with my hair (a long and straight deep plum that day) as I waited for my name to be called. Today was the day Mcgonagall was having her little career chit chat with us. God I was dreading it. Why did I have to think about my "future" now? I was only 17, and bloody hell to be quite honest I had no flipping clue what I wanted to be, and personally didn't care. I had everything I needed right now. All set. All good. yep.

"Nymphadora Tonks", said Professor Mcgonagall and I slowly stood up, and slouched my way over. My clanky army boots dragging on the floor, my plum hair pulled up into a floppy bun. I came into her office and clunked into the maroon arm chair.

Me and the professor had an interesting relationship, sure I did my work I got fine grades but besides that I didn't listen to a thing she said. No sitting on the owelry roof (I did it almost everyday), no wandering into the dark forest at 3am (yep, done that), no jinxing the 1st years behind their backs (oh every year, especially on halloween). I had successfully done the opposite of almost everything she had ever said to me, she always had a close eye on me (even though I got away with almost everything). I took pleasure in seeing her exasperated with me.

She took a seat across the desk from me gave me a puzzled look. Like she just had no clue what do with me.

"Nymphadora, what do you express interest in for a career choice", she said in her classic irish accent.

"Its Tonks", I said with huff, she would refuse to call me by my nickname, I hated my real name, I don't know what my mum was thinking,

"Fine then", she said giving a frustrated sigh "What do you want to do, tonks", she said with pursed lips.

"I dunno", I said with a sly smirk, knowing just how to piss her off

"Really now? well you're going to be quite confused after Hogwarts ", she said dryly, with a frustrated look on her face.

"Professor, can I be quite frank with you?", I said slouching back farther into the armchair I was sitting in.

"Yes Nymphadora", she said with a tired sigh.

"To be quite honest, professor, I don't really care right now", I said staring at her just waiting to see her reaction, my hair had now slowly turned to a flaming red, even I knew I was asking for it. Mcgonagall's face turned beet red as she stormed out of her seat and slammed open the door-

" NYMPHADORA TONKS, I AM DONE, I THOUGHT I COULD HELP BUT APPARENTLY NOT, OUT! NOW!", She yelled, and even though I was quite happy for pushing her buttons I still i still was a bit surprised by how angry she had gotten. Maybe I should be worrying about what happens after hogwarts? And why was I letting this crap into my head? I walked quickly and quietly away from the rest of the student waiting for there chat. As I passed I saw my friend olive, she sat with her long dark blackish brown hair to her chest, and bright green eyes staring down at her feet, she was wearing her usual dark purple jumper. When she saw me, she quickly whispered as I walked by.

"You alright t?", she said her brows furrowed in worry at me, I must have had a weird look on my face, or maybe she had her mcgonagall's shouts. I probably did look a little tense.

"ya, ya i'm just peachy", I said with a sarcastic tone and walked off. I immediately felt bad, Olive was my closest friend at hogwarts, and she was only trying to see if I was ok. Oh well I would take care of that later.

All my friends were still having their chats so I wandered to the owlery. The air was a cool spring breeze, and it blew my still flaming bright red hair in the wind. I walked up threw the owlery stairs and climbed up the pipes and onto the roof. I often came here when i was bored, it was a nice place to think and usually no one noticed I was there. It was quiet, besides from the coos of the owls beneath me and the rustle of the leaves in the breeze.

I though about the remaining weeks left of school, and how I really had never thought of anything past my life at hogwarts. The only thing I had set up was a small flat I was going to be renting. And even that my mom had planned out for me. It was a strange feeling. It was all finally ending. I had always found ways to bend the rules and do my own thing but, but after this was over, there would be no rules to bend, no professor to defy. I sat there in shock, how could this be the first time i had ever thought of this? I felt the tears well up in my eyes and slowly fall, and my shoulders begin to shake. Just moments before I had been satisfied with myself and content and now I was sobbing. My eyes were so full of tears that I could barely see what was around me. Why was I thinking like this? This isn't what I do? This isn't me! I sat up suddenly mad at myself, why the hell was I doing this to myself?! I swiped the bloody tears away from my eyes, and mopped my cheeks with the sleeve of my back jumper. I hoped that my eyes weren't to red and puffy, and I stood up.

Shit, my eyes were probably red and puffy, I stood up on the roof. I suddenly had a sudden desire to scream and yell and cry and i had no idea why I just really wanted to. I just had to, Now it wasn't a want it was a need, so I did. I just screamed,and screamed for a good minute, or just until my throat hurt. Time passed and sometime before dinner I got down and, and walked back to the main hall for dinner. I had decided to push all thought from today out of my head and forget all the crap that went through my mind today, and just forget.

Forget.

Really working on forgetting.

Yep, forgotten.

Forget.

Right now my future wasn't really a big deal at all, I don't know why I was worrying so much. I walked back into the building, ignoring all stares I got for my puffy eyes and blotchy face, I wasn't really known as a teary type of person, or really had any worries big enough to make me cry at all. I walked back into the dining hall and sat down with my friends for dinner.I sat down next to olive.

"Hey ollie, i'm sorry, I was such an ass earlier", I said and I truly did feel bad this time.

" oh it's fine, don't worry so much", she said giving me a smile. After dinner we headed up to the dorms got ready for bed. It was a pretty warm night so I just changed into a maroon knit tank, and my comfy trousers, as I was pulling my now ivory white hair into a bun, olive leaped over to my bed and belly flopped onto the duvet with a bounce.

" Damn I smacked my knee on the way down", she said with a laugh while rubbing her soon to be bruised knee.

"olive that was maybe the most graceful thing i've ever seen", i said i said with mock sincerity, as i was laughing olive pulled a small bottle from beneath her robe, giving me a mischievous grin. Firewhiskey.

"Maybe sometimes I like breaking the rules t", she said with a sneaky grin, and pulled me out into the common room and the onto the ladder that led to the top of tower. I had discovered the secret place in my 4th year. Olive lead me over to a place to sit. The cool stone felt good on my bare feet. She cracked open the firewhiskey. Maybe I really did need something to take my mind off the day. Olive to a small sip and shivered as it went down her throat. I took the small bottle and took a swig myself, it felt it burn as it went down my throat, and it made my cheeks feel warm and relaxed.

"I wonder what going to happen after we leave?', i said

"ya, I really wonder how France is gonna be, and the new job", Olive said between a sip from the bottle. Oh ya , she was leaving, I had been trying not to think about that, after school was done was she going to live in france with her cousins for a few years. I started to tear up again at the thought, but quickly pushed more of the drink down my throat. We sat quietly looking at the stars for a little while. When we finished up, we climbed down the ladder precariously, we were in fact a bit woozy from the drink, olive stumbled into bed and within minutes i heard her snore, but i lay in bed quietly looking out the window for a while. I saw all the stars, i really tried to not think about, Olive leaving, Mcgonagall's chat, or anything about after Hogwarts. I was still staring at the stars as I felt my eyes go heavy and I drifted off to sleep.

 _to be continued next chapter…_

 _Hi agin everyone! I hope you enjoyed my story so far! please review! also know I love friendly feedback! so if you have any ideas or suggestion please review or you can PM me at any time! if you have any questions I will try my best to get back to you! Hope you guys enjoyed!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

 _ **Author's Note: Hello again peoples! What's up? Hope all of u are fantabulous!Please,please review it means so much to me! I love the feedback! Hope u enjoys chapter 2 of my story! Also please not I started writing this chapter from exactly where I left off last chapter but it didn't flow right so I fast forwarded to a month later when she had graduated from Hogwarts! Thanks again for reading! Last chapter I made a mistake of which house tonks was in, which I now fixed, just wanted to update and thank the viewer who told me about that issue.**_

 _Where we left off…_

 _I started to tear up again at the thought, but quickly pushed more of the drink down my throat. We sat quietly looking at the stars for a little while. When we finished up, we climbed down the ladder precariously, we were in fact a bit woozy from the drink, olive stumbled into bed and within minutes i heard her snore, but i lay in bed quietly looking out the window for a while. I saw all the stars, i really tried to not think about, Olive leaving, Mcgonagall's chat, or anything about after Hogwarts. I was still staring at the stars as I felt my eyes go heavy and I drifted off to sleep._

 _ **3 months later…Still from Tonks POV**_

As I stepped off the platform, I wandered around for a while, I felt very confused. Hogwarts was over, I was done, Olive was already headed to France with her parents. We had a very tearful goodbye only minutes ago. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes but quickly scrubbed at my eyes with my palms, no more tears I had to get directions now.

Don't focus on anything but directions.

Just directions.

Directions.

My parents weren't picking me up for the first time ever, they were away on

holiday in Greece visiting my dad's family, my mum was very close with my dad's family, since she never talked to her side, they weren't friendly with each other,ever since my mum had distanced herself from the dark arts. At these moments I realized I truly was alone. Before the tears had a chance to make an appearance I ran out of king's cross and into the London rain, my turquoise hair,was soaked in minutes. By the time the next taxi came fresh tears were hidden by the rain. I just felt so confused and out of place, this was all so strange to me, I was now in muggle England, trying to find my new apartment, earlier that year my mum decided that I should have a roommate to help with the cost of the apartment, she said it would be good to get used to the muggle world, she said it would help me get out more. God mum, she doesn't even understand.

I jumped into the taxi and said the address to the driver, it was 360 c portobello road in London. I had a small studio flat on the 3rd floor (it also included the attic of the house). I packed all my junk into the taxi, and we sped away. I tied my wet hair into a knot on my he and tried to fix the smudged eyeliner on my eyes. I should have bought the bloody waterproof stuff. I cleared my head of all negative thought and let the nervous butterflies , float about my stomach.

I was dropped of in front of a small backery next door to a flat building, it's was a light bluish greenish color, with whitish trim. On the fire escape on the second floor was a small garden box. I hopped out the taxi and grabbed my trunk and bag from the car. Mum said that the other stuff if mine as waiting inside the flat. I got out my keys and quickly shoved my wand into my bag being sure to not let my roommate see it. I hauled my crap up the front steps and unlocked the front door to 360 c. Before I could even walk in, a girl with a white blonde pixie cut, practically leaped down the stairs, and engulfed me in a huge bear hug. Wow, first impressions to the max I see.

"alright? I'm Wren! You're nymphadora, right?", said the pixie cut girls who now had a name, she was around my height a little shorter by a little, and she had White blonde hair, cut short like I said, she had pale skin lighter than my olive toned skin, she had high stricking cheek bones with light freckles across them. She was wearing a pair of mom jeans, with some worn brown doc martens, and a striped slightly cropped long sleeve turtleneck over that, she talked like a 18 year old muggle in London, which in fact she was. I was still In shock from the hug and all but I responded right away.

" um ya, I like to be called tonks, that's my surname, you my roommate?", I said nervously pulling at my damp sweater.

" ya, let me show u the place tonks, I just got here last night from Brighton, weathers damp today but I'm just fine with the rain", said Wren, damn she was excited. She grabbed one end of the trunk and I grabbed the other, her mood was not rubbing off on me yet, I still felt a large knot of anxiety in my stomach. We heaved the trunk up the stairs. At the top of the stairs was a few small vintage hooks and a shelf for shoes, we dropped the trunk at the top of the stairs and stopped for breath, I wasn't sure how to make conversation well with a muggle, but so far she seemed pretty nice, although pretty chatty.

" so, let me give u the tour" she said and jumped up already back to being full of energy. She led me into the kitchen.

"Here's the kitchen, there is also a small breakfast nook back over there", she pointed to a small airy room with a large window facing the alley, it had a small table and a few chairs, as she lead me through the flat she showed me the small living room already occupied with a mushy and comfortable looking black couch and a marrow armchair, which when I saw it I felt a pang of sadness, it reminded me of the comfy chairs in the gryffindor common room, but I wouldn't let me think of that now I would have time to think now, and beside crying in the first few ,I minutes of meeting someone wasn't known a great first impression. The rest of the tour included the small bathroom, her room and the laundry room at the back of the flat, the whole thing had lots of windows and was quiet and airy but still cozy, which I liked,although I was weird not being in a wizard home. Oh well, I knew it would take some getting used to. The last thing she was to show me was where I would be sleeping.

" I hope you don't mind, but I let u have the attic bedroom, but don't worry it's completely finished, so there is no rat issue or anything", Wren said with a reassuring smile, _yes,_ I thought, I had known there was an attic, and had always hoped that I could get it as my bedroom.

"Also I had my movers get all your other stuff put up there so u wouldn't have to bother", she said still giddy

"Thanks, I'll go set up, I be down in a while to help cook or set up more or whatever", I said with a smile, I was really trying to be nice, although I was quite tired and just really needs to Be alone for a while.

" I'll leave you to it then!", she said and showed me the entrance to the attic, it was a small staircase at the back of the house next to the laundry room, I climbed the stairs and enters to. Small room with a. Large window at the front and with my bed at the other end facing the window. Some of Wrens curtains were already hung up and all my other things were near the stairs, my trunk, my books, and my other various treasures. I opened the window to let in a breeze. And pulled up my still turquoise hair, I had remember to keep it the same color in order to keep my secret from Wren. It would be a nasty surprise to her I believed. So I would only change the color when I was out for in diagon alley and whatever. I sat down and started to unpack and within a n hour or so I had finished and was lying exhausted on the bed, I pulled off my sweater and put on a lighter crop and pulled my hair out of my face. I headed down. To help with dinner.

" How's the space?", asked Wren

"It's great thanks", I said plopping down on a stool in the kitchen,

" I didn't notice your hair until now mate, it's great! I love the color!", she said with a jolly laugh, how was she still awake? I was almost dead, damn.

" I've got dinner covered for tonight, I'm making pasta with tomato sauce.",she said. I had learned from my mom that it was a very muggle meal. It would be so different I was so used to a Hogwarts meal but the smell coming from the kitchen was amazing so I decided to trust Wren with the food for tonight.

" oh I found this letter on the stoop outside, it was addressed to you", said Wren and handed me a letter, it was addressed to nym, which my mum called me, and it was her handwriting. I decided to open it later before I went to sleep. I set the table and we both sat down to eat, I already missed the pumpkin juice but, Wren as it turned out to be an excellent cook.

I took the letter from Wren and said goodnight and headed up to my loft. I climbed the steep stairs and, turned on my string of small fairy lights (I guess that's what muggles call them?) and took out my wand.

" _lumos",_ I whispered careful not to let Wren hear from down the stairs. I got into my wooly , pj's and jumped into my bed and grabbed the letter from the stool I had left it on. I saw my mums handwriting and my eyes began to tear just a little. I opened the letter and began to read…

 _Dear Nym,_

 _Hopefully this letter will reach you by the time you are settled in london. How is your muggle roommate? How is your flat? What's muggle london like so far? You're father and i miss you like bats, we can't wait to see you this winter! The trip has been great! your cousins wish your hello, and we have put together a package of some goodies to send to you soon. Your Aunt ahs is doing better, her leg will heal soon, she took quite a fall on the roof last week._

 _Well i'm gonna keep this short nym, we love you, and miss you so so so much! OY I almost forgot to ask you! when do you start that new job you told me about? Anyways hope it all works out we are so proud of you!_

 _Love,_

 _Mum_

 _Crap._ I told her I was starting a new job. Dammit. A wash of new panic came over me again. I felt like I had that day mcgonagall had that chat with me. Damn How did I not think about until now, Mcgonagall was right. I had no money, no job to support myself. How long could I stay here until the muggle rent caught up with me? What was I gonna do? I get the panic sobs wash over me like a storm at sea. Everything was shaking, I couldn't think straight, it was like a demon had taken over me, a grey cloud of anxiety. My demons were being released and I had no way of stopping them from getting in my head. I heard footsteps on the stairs, but I didn't even pay attention, the sobs were all I could hear…

 **To be continued next chapter…**

 **Hello again, please review! can i get 10 reviews this week? I hope you guys liked it anyways! Ok so i have a very random question that has pretty much no tie to the story but do any of you guys like Halsey? The singer? just a random question. Until next chapter...**


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